She sits in her corner and breathes in.
This is her thikr.
Her words, her breath.

She could feel it rolling through her, dominant but welcome. Thikr always did have a powerful effect on her. Although not powerful in its delivery, it was certainly powerful in its essence: it manifested itself as a light weight on her chest, embracing her heart.

“SubhanAllah.” It whisks itself off her tongue before she can stop it. She pauses. She thinks. How perfect is her Lord, who had given her the ability to think those words. How perfect is her Lord, who had given her life and lungs and laughter without earning it in the slightest. How perfect is her Lord, subhanAllah.

“Alhamdulillah.” It’s all because of Him; He is the beginning and He is the end. All praise, all thanks, to Him. Her life, to Him. Her achievements, to Him. Her blessings (and there are many; some she remembers, some she forgets), to Him. How relieving to be able to attribute it all back to Him with no responsibility on her behalf. How do some people do it, she wonders? How do they find the time and effort to attribute such an enormous power unto themselves? She wonders what makes some people believe so highly of themselves, and then pities them for their illogical (and, if she was to be honest with herself, quite exhausting) ways of thinking.

“Allahu akbar.” Because that’s what He was, wasn’t He? Is. He is The Greatest. It all goes back to him. He was the reason she was everything she tried to be, and everything she tried not to be. He is Greater than her fears and greater than her happiness.

She sits in her corner and breathes in.
This is her thikr.
Her words, her breath.

It is said about Saffiyah bint Abdil-Muttalib in Al-Isabah [7/744] that she said, “When the Messenger of Allah (s) went out to al-Khandaq, he left the women in a fortress called al-Fari, and he left Hassan bin Thabit with them. A man from the Jews came and climbed the fortress until he appeared to us, so I called to Hassan, ‘Go and kill him!’ He said, ‘If I had that in me, I would have been with the Messenger of Allah.’ because he was an old man.

So I veiled myself, and I took a pole and came down from the fortress to him, and I hit him with the pole until I killed him and cut off his head. Then I said to Hassan, ‘Stand up and cast his head to the Jews while they are below the fortress.’ He replied, ‘By Allah, not that!’ So I took his head and threw it to them. The Jews said, ‘We knew that he [i.e. the Prophet] would not leave his family without anyone [i.e. without men to protect them]’ and they left.

Ladies and gentlemen, Saffiyah bint Abdil-Muttalib - the first woman to kill a man from the Mushriqeen. This was narrated by Ibn Sa’d from Abu Salamah. 

One year since Sydney, today. I really struggled to find the right words to describe my personal journey to Allah but then I figured, why try when He’s already done it for me?
“And whosoever is conscious of Allah, He will make a way for him to get out [from every difficulty]. And He will provide him from [sources] he never could imagine. And whoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has sent a measure for all things.” (65:2-3)

saytuun:

23 years. 23 years Abu Bakr (ra) and RasulAllah (saws) spent together. Every day and every journey they spent together; every high and every low; worshipping together, eating together. For 23 years. Twenty-three years. Deny him, his love, and his companionship with RasulAllah (saws) and you may very well risk Allah denying you Jennah in return.